Fic - I heard your dreams came true
Mar. 29th, 2011 10:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mrstottenTitle I heard your dreams came true
Pairing Gale/Randy
Rating R
Words 5,600
Disclaimer Not mines, this is RPS and no-one bleongs to me and if that leaves you in any doubt all I can say is THIS IS NOT REAL :)
Notes This is dedicated to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
veritas_st as it is all her fault she encouraged me to write angst so I did and in a way I got her back cos I made her cry :) but also because she loves these boys as much as I do and talked me through every step of this fic and she rocks
Summary "Ok so what you are trying to tell me is that you and Randy were secretly fucking for two years, then you dumped him, now you love him, have I got that right? Oh god I have a drunk thirty six year old coming out in my hotel room while I am in underwear. I am in my underwear with Gale Harold who now realises he is gay, I need some wine"
I heard that you settled down, that you found someone, and you're married now.
It took several minutes for Gale to take the news in, he had been avoiding it for months now, ever since he had heard some rumours about Randy moving in with some guy named of all fucking things Brian. But sitting opposite Peter listening to the rambly updates of what had been happening in everyones lives the news filtered through Gale’s brain leaving him dazed and disorientated.
I was in bones, just a little part but still a part, and oh em gee is that Boreanaz man fine, Hal is touring keep meaning to grab seats and oh did you hear Randy and Brian adopted a kid
After that the words ceased to make sense and the rest of the evening seemed to move with him on autopilot. He knows he must have nodded and smiled at the right points because he left Peter, smiling with promises that they would do this again soon.
Back in his hotel room he found himself wandering around, touching things as if trying to ground himself. Images kept flooding through his head, images of Randy, smiling, laughing, forever happy, Randy with some faceless stranger, a strangers hands exploring the golden skin and tight silken sinews that Gale had spent the last two years trying to forget. Someone else pulling Randy’s head into his shoulder, dropping a kiss on soft fair hair.
He had always known that he wasn’t totally over Randy, there had always been a small part of him that no matter how many miles or years now separated them, remembered the smell and feel of the man that for five years had become Gale’s world. But he had made his call, he had weighed up the options and had decided that he wasn’t ready for the kind of relationship that Randy wanted. It wasn’t just the coming out thing, although it had been an issue, it had been everything Randy had been the first guy Gale had ever been with, then anyway, he had just been trying to get his head round the idea that his life wasn’t as straightforward as he once thought and Randy, he wanted…. Everything. There was way more of Justin in Randy than most people ever knew, he was totally, completely comfortable with himself, with his sexuality and what he wanted out of life and he had wanted, expected Gale to feel the same, he had wanted the works, picket fences and whitewashed doors.
That and Gale’s own insecurity of what wanting Randy, wanting another man meant had sent Gale running for the hills, destroying not only what they had discovered but a friendship that had been five years in the making. It had taken more than two years for Gale to even begin to get over the pain that he had felt at that loss, even if it had been his own fault. He had avoided cast get togethers, birthdays, news events, reunions. This night with Peter had been the first time he had allowed himself to step back into that life, the life with Randy at the heart of it and now, now he felt like he did seven years ago at the first meeting with a blond smiling kid who looked at him in a way that made his head spin. He felt like the world had been ripped out from underneath him and turned on its own axis as if everything that was supposed to make sense just didn’t.
Randy couldn’t be married, couldn’t be starting a family without him, he was Randy, he was his it would take more than a couple of years to change that. Gale couldn’t wake up in the morning without the reminder of Randy’s name on his lips, the sense memory of his skin, his smell and his taste. If he still felt that, then there was no way Randy didn’t, no way he could have moved on without him.
Peter had got it wrong.
Which is how Gale found himself battering on Peter’s hotel room door, then stumbling into his room, spilling out his heart, his guts, his pride in a long rambling pile of words and pain before finally stopping, long enough to take in the look of shock and pity on Peter’s face. Gale stood up to leave, the shame and embarrassment stinging in his gut like fire but was pushed firmly down with strong but gentle hands.
"Ok so what you are trying to tell me is that you and Randy were secretly fucking for two years, then you dumped him, now you love him, have I got that right? Oh god I have a drunk thirty six year old coming out in my hotel room while I am in underwear. I am in my underwear with Gale Harold who now realises he is gay, I need some wine"
~*~
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess they gave you things I didn't give to you,
It took less than two days for him to book the flights, and then, despite Peter's warnings, he was gone, off on a flight to New York. It didn’t seem real, that after all this time he was finally taking things into his own hands, was going to see Randy again. Was finally going to do what he had done all those years ago. His mind flashed back to one of the last arguments they'd had
"I can't do this anymore Gale, the hiding, the lies, the secrecy, it's not me. I came out, it was hard but I did it and I'm not going back into that damn closet, not even for you."
"No one is asking you to," Gale exploded. "I'm not asking you to start saying you're straight, you are the one all caught up in making us start defining who we are to the public."
"No, no Gale I'm asking for you to grow some balls, I'm asking you to admit that you’re in a relationship with a man that you love. I want to go outside, to go on a date, to hold your fucking hand in the street, is that too much to ask?"
"God Rand not this again, sometimes I swear you are channelling Justin."
"Fuck you Gale, there is nothing wrong with me wanting a relationship, one I don’t have to hide from the world."
"well then why don’t you go fucking find it"
"Maybe I will"
It had been the beginning of the end, soon the arguments had replaced the love. Most of their time had been spent tearing lumps out of each other, each trying to hurt the other more. Words used as weapons barbed and pointed, each one finding their target. coward, liar, fucker, queer In the end they clung on until the end, till after filming was done and Randy had left, got on a plane and headed off to a play in New York, it had ended with less of a bang and more of a whimper. Gale had told himself time and time again that he would go after him, or call him, on other days he had told himself it was for the best and before he knew it two years had passed without a phone call.
Until now. The news that he had moved on, had finally found someone to give him all the things he had wanted for so long had lit a fire under Gale's belly, it was now or never. This was the last chance he had. He knows plenty of people would have said it was already too late. But he refused to believe it. This was them Gale and Randy, and he had to make Randy see that this time he was serious. This time it was forever and always, out in the open for the world to see.
This time he was playing for keeps.
~*~
hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over.
He went straight to Randy's from the airport, his mind telling him that if he stopped for even a fraction of a second to think about this, he'd chicken out of it. Standing at the doorstep Gale felt like a teenager again, his hands clammy, his throat dry but when the door opened and he finally saw Randy again, everything went into overdrive. His mind cataloguing the things that hadn’t changed, the soft golden hair, the full lips, small broad hands with long elegant fingers, at the same time as it noted the changes, a couple of lines near his eyes as Randy squinted at the early morning sun, the slightly longer length of his hair, but most importantly the small silver ring wrapped around his left ring finger.
"Gale?" Randy's voice was full of disbelief as if he believed that Gale was a mirage, a figment of his imagination that would just disappear if he spoke too loudly or reached out to touch.
"What are you doing here?" Randy asked, his voice almost shaky.
"Would you believe me if I said I was in the neighbourhood?" Gale smiled, his most charming smile on his face. It slipped slightly at Randy's cocked eyebrow and now crossed arms. This wasn't going to be easy.
"You shouldn't be here." Randy finally seemed propelled into action and started to close the door.
"Rand don't. I just want to talk." The use of the old nickname seemed to jolt Randy slightly, slowing him down, for half a second he looked unsure before his resolve hardened.
"You had your chance to talk Gale, now you're too late, I don't want to listen."
Before Gale could get another word out, the door had been closed in his face and he was left on the doorstep, wondering what his next move could be.
It took Twenty seven calls before Randy finally agreed to meet. Calls filled with arguments, logic, pleading and outright begging.
This is ridiculous Randy, I just want to catch up.
Are you afraid to meet with me? Scared what your little husband would think?
We were friends before anything else Randy, I just want to see my friend again.
Rand please....
When Randy finally agreed to meet, Gale knew he would bring some sort of buffer, something to keep Gale at arms length, a friend, a colleague, hell maybe even the hubby. He hadn't expected the daughter.
"She's beautiful," Gale stated. It was true, her dark hair and big brown eyes in a small perfectly formed face. The wide smile she seemed to bestow on anyone who took her fancy. She was gorgeous and it was clear she had her daddy wrapped round her tiny little fingers. This was further evidenced by the grin on Randy's face at Gale's words.
"She is isn't she," He smiled and stroked his daughters cheek where she sat in the seat. "So why are you here Gale?"
Gale smiled at Randy's abrupt question. He knew he had to play this slowly, carefully, stick to as much of the truth as possible.
"Truth?" at Randy's quick nod Gale made up his mind. "I missed you. We were friends a long time Rand and I hate how we let that disappear. You were one person I could always talk to, be myself with and I miss it, so I thought it was time we stopped being idiots and go back to being friends. So I came here. So how have you been?"
Randy laughed, his first real laugh since they sat down and Gale's heart soared at the sight, not everything he said had been a lie, he had missed this, missed seeing Randy smile, missed his passion, his fire for the things he believed in.
"Not too bad,” Randy replied. "I got married," he lifted his ring finger up and Gale lifted his coffee to his mouth to save answering, "and of course there is this little angel." He finished pointing to his daughter.
"Whats her name?" Gale asked pleasantly.
"Amy," Randy answered. "After Brian's, my husbands mom."
"Hmm, Brian," Gale almost snorted but reined it back in at the look on Randy's face. "Isn’t that ever weird?"
Randy laughed relaxing again. " It was a little weird at first." he answered.
"So where is Brian?" Gale finally made himself ask.
"A business trip," Randy answered. "He is away till the end of the month.
Gale tried to control the wave of elation that swept through him at these words. He knew he should feel bad, should feel some guilt over this man whose life he wanted to rip apart, but the stakes were too high. He loved Randy, he needed him and now wasn’t the time to play fair.
"So you’re free then," Gale asked with a smile. He saw Randy's hesitancy and rather than worry him, it gave him hope. It proved that there was still something there, enough to worry him.
"Come on Randy, like I said we were friends first, we could be again, what do you say."
Randy's answering smile filled up all the cold lonely places that had been inside Gale for so long. Any lingering guilt disappeared. He had this once, a chance at all of this and he blew it, now he was getting another shot, and nothing was going to stand in his way.
Over the next two weeks it was almost like they stepped back in time. There were dinners, art shows, getting drunk, cheering each other up when the hangover hit the next morning. Arguing over politics, sitting in the living room a bucket of popcorn, Amy settled in between them as they rewatched old classics. Everything was almost exactly the same, maybe better, the only difference was they didn't have sex, but there were moments, when their hands would brush, or a goodbye kiss near the lips lingered slightly too long and the spark would strike, the electricity churning between them as if biding it’s time, ready to boil over, pulling them along in its current.
There were new things too, taking Amy to the zoo, to the park, long walks, fun and games, they would have coffee in small cafes chatting as Amy basked in the admiration of everyone who stopped to tell her just how cute she is. For a while it was easy to forget that this wasn't his. Wasn't his family, his child, his husband. Suddenly everything he had ever been afraid of seemed to be all he could ever want.
The fantasy ended abruptly one night as they as they arrived home, Amy fast asleep in Gale's arms and found Brian in the living room, back from the ever so convenient business trip.
The atmosphere was tense, rigid, full of false smiles and chuckles as Randy introduced them. There should be a sound, something sharp and destructive when two worlds collide with such force, instead there was silence. Silence as Brian and Gale eyed each other up, each perfectly aware of what the other was thinking.
But it was when Brian staked his claim Gale made his excuses to leave, watching Brian gather Randy in for a lingering kiss, taking Amy expertly from Gale's still hesitant hands. It was then Gale finally realised how high the stakes were and how much he stood to lose.
~*~
You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,
Brian coming back put a slight dent in Gale's plans, but luckily enough a chance coincidence that brought Scott and Peter into town put them back on track. The three days since he had last seen Randy felt like a lifetime, but they slipped into the usual routine quickly.
Dinner with Scott and Peter felt right, natural. The four of them and in particular Randy and Gale slotting into old routines. Gale felt Peter eyes drifting towards him more and more each time he touched Randy's arm, or Randy slipped his head jokingly onto Gale's shoulder. But it wasn’t till after dinner when Scott was filling Randy in on the most recent events of cast members that Gale found himself alone with Peter.
"What are you doing?" Peter asked with little preamble.
"Well I know you are slow Petey but right now I'm having dinner with old friends and having a good time, what about you?"
"He’s married," Peter continued, refusing to be dissuaded and Gale felt his own temper rise.
"Yeah thanks for that Peter, I was aware of it."
"He's married with a kid." Peter was like a dog with a bone.
"Oh really is that who that pretty little kid is, thanks for clearing that up for me"
"I'm not trying to hurt you Gale," Peter's voice softened. "I'm the one you poured your heart out to remember? I know how you feel about him, I'm just trying to stop you getting hurt, because he can't feel the same without you."
"Says who," Gale demanded.
"Says the fact he is married with a kid," Peter countered.
"Yeah, well I loved him first Peter, he was mine long before Brian even knew him."
"And he is Brian's now, and god you sound like a four year old. He is married Gale, with a kid and you are only going to get hurt if you keep on this road." Gale stood up, tired of listening to the conversation. Peter didn't understand anything he had, no idea what was between him and Randy, he didn't have the first clue.
He spent the rest of the night ignoring Peter's pointed glances, pretended not to hear the whispered “Be careful” as he hugged Peter at the end of the evening.
As they waved goodbye to their friends he felt his mood lift at the happy relaxed look on Randy's face. "You fancy a nightcap?" He asked. He could see the indecision on Randy's face. They both had a fair idea of what this could lead to, when Randy slowly nodded his consent, he tried hard to control the joy that soared through him.
Two hours and several whiskeys later it was a dilemma trying to remember to sit up. They were relaxing on the couch in his room, the last ten minutes spent in almost total silence, their heads close to touching. When their lips finally met it seemed almost inevitable. As if everything over the last seven years had been leading to this moment. Losing himself in the kiss Gale finally felt at peace, like he had come home at last, which made it even more disorientating when Randy pulled away from him, standing up and running his fingers through his hair, panic and desperation leaking from every pore of his body.
"No. No I'm not doing this, I can’t do this, you can’t do this. You can't keep doing this to me Gale. It took me a long time, a long long time to get over you, to move on from you, and now I have. I love Brian, I love my family and I am not going jeopardise that for you."
Gale moved forward as Randy headed for the door, using his advantage in height, he pushed Randy up against the wall, arms on either side of his head, watching with half hooded eyes as Randy licked his lips nervously.
"I get that you love him Rand," the old nickname slipping out easily and naturally. "I know you, you wear your heart on your sleeve and you love easily and you wouldn't be with him if you didn't care."
"Exactly," Randy interrupted, pushing his body against Gale's in a failed attempt to move.
"I haven't finished," Gale continued, placing a finger against Randy's lips, slowly sliding it back and forward and smiling as Randy's tongue came out almost instinctively. "I get that you care, but do you need him Randy? Do you need him the way you need me, the way I need you? You remember what it was like don't you?" Gale asked, slipping his leg in between Randy's thighs, rubbing slowly against his erection. "You remember what it felt like, that yearning to touch each other, to taste each others skin, that feeling that you would just fucking die if you didn't have my cock inside you."
Randy groaned, pushing his body up again, this time in a desperate attempt to create more friction.
"Gale, please," his voice cracked, sounded broken and Gale was unsure if he was pleading for him to stop, but he didn't care, he needed this, needed Randy, and if he had to cheat, to play dirty, to use this dark, almost explosive chemistry to make Randy see where he belonged, then he would. Sliding his hand down he made fast work of Randy's buttons, pushing his jeans down and wrapping his hand around Randy's cock whilst slowly worrying the soft tender skin behind his neck with his teeth.
"God Gale, yes, like that, please I need...."
"I know," Gale whispered, his own hard on making his jeans uncomfortably tight. Turning Randy round, he pushed him against the wall, his hand still working Randy's cock, slowly, surely. He had wanted to take his time with this, to show Randy how much he cared, but he couldn't, it had been too damn long.
"I need to fuck you Rand, Now."
Randy answered with a slow deliberate roll of his hips back into Gale before grabbing Gale's head and pulling it forward in a dark jagged kiss. "Yes, now Gale, please"
The pleading, needy sound of Randy's voice was enough to push Gale over the edge, fumbling desperately, his hands shaking with need, he slipped the condom on, before burying himself in Randy's body. It was tight, almost too tight and for a second he slowed, scared of hurting, of causing pain where he only wanted to bring pleasure but Randy made his mind up for him, thrusting back and burying Gale deeper inside him, his voice came harsh and desperate.
"Don't you dare fucking stop, fuck me Gale, now."
Gale started to move, his body finding the rhythm almost naturally. It had been so long, so long since he had this, since he had felt this, the release of his orgasm when it him him was like a tidal wave, as they both came down together, shivering and shaking with emotion.
Several hours later they lay on the bed, their bodies tired, spent with relearning each other, their senses filled with each others taste, touch, smell.
"You came back for this didn't you?" Randy phrased it as a question but they both knew it was a statement of truth.
"I came back for you" Gale confirmed.
"Why now?" Randy asked. "Why after so many years of not wanting to commit why did you have to come now."
"I don't know," Gale answered truthfully. "I wish I could answer that. I just knew it was time, that if I didn't move now, I would lose you. I never meant to fuck with your life Randy, I swear, I just couldn't stay away. I love you, you know that."
"Yes," Randy nodded his assent. "I love you too, it's just it's complicated now. I have a...."
"Do you love him like you love me?" Gale interrupted.
"No," Randy stated the truth baldly. "But we've built a life together and I need to talk to him, need to, I don't know...."
"Break his heart gently?" Gale stated softly.
"Yes, I owe him the truth, you get that right?"
"Course I do, I just want to know you are serious about this. I lost you once Randy, through my own stupidity, I can’t do it again. This time its for keeps yes?"
Randy smiled the smile that made Gale's heart skip before pulling him in for another kiss.
"For keeps," he promised against Gale's lips before they sank back down onto the bed.
~*~
Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Gale knew the minute Randy walked through the door something was wrong. The elation that had been soaring through him since last night, fading like someone had popped a bubble, leaving behind fear and a blind sense of panic. He couldn't back out now, not after everything that happened, everything they had said, everything they had felt
"Gale," Randy's voice was soft, full of apology.
"No," Gale interjected. "Don't you dare, don't you fucking dare Randy, you do not get to back out not, I don't care what the fuck he said to you. You are not backing out."
"He didn't say anything Gale," Randy exploded, apology and sadness lost in a wall of anger. "He knew, I don't know how, but I know he knew. I came home and found him with Amy in the nursery. They were cuddling in the chair and he just looked at me, he handed me Amy and he kissed me and went to bed. I could see in his eyes he knew what I had done but he didn’t say anything. So I sat there Gale, I just sat there, holding my daughter, watching her sleep, then finally I climbed into bed with my husband." Randy stopped at the flinch Gale made at his words. His voice softened and the apology was back in his words.
"He just held me, told me loved me and went to sleep."
"I love you," Gale interjected stubbornly. "I love you and I know you love me."
"I do," Randy admitted, a sad smile ghosting across his face. "I think a part of me loved you before I even knew you Gale. I'll always love you, but they are my family, don't you get that?"
Randy put up a hand to forestall any words Gale might have been ready to offer.
"No Gale, no more talking, you need to listen. You love me, but they are part of me, don't you get that? If I hurt them, if I walk away and leave Brian broken and leave Amy pulled between two fathers, constantly unsettled, if I base my happiness, our happiness on their misery it will kill me, don't you see that? Slowly but surely it will kill me, and it will kill us. You say you love me?"
"I do," Gale whispered, almost too scared to use his voice.
"Well if you do, then I need you to leave Gale. When you are here, when I'm around you I don't see straight, I never could. I just see you, my world is filled with you. So I need to be selfish and I need to ask you to do what I can't. I need you to end this. I need you to leave me, cos I can't leave you, and as long as you are here I can’t push you away, so please Gale if you love me, if you really love me, please go."
Gale felt his heart splinter and break as the truth of Randy's words swept through him. He couldn't do it, he couldn't leave, not when leaving meant leaving Randy forever, but the look of anguish, of despair on Randy's face made his decision for him. Randy had a family, a life here, people he loved, that he didn't want to hurt. But Gale also knew that he could push the right buttons, he could make Randy face up to the fact that although he loved Brian, what he and Gale had was it, that once in a lifetime love that you never found again. The one you compared every other relationship to. He knew if he started talking he would convince Randy.
But he also knew Randy would never forgive him, would never forgive himself. The betrayal, the hurt that he caused would eat away at him, corroding anything they built together. He could lose Randy, it would kill him, splinter his heart but he could do it, he could live, exist in a life without Randy, but he couldn't live in a world where Randy hated him, worse where Randy hated himself. He couldn't see that smile dim, fade. It was that and only that thought that made Gale's feet move. He had gotten as far as the door when Randy's voice stopped him.
"Gale." Randy's voice was reedy, broken and splintered, Gale felt that if if his heart had a voice it would sound just like that.
"Rand, it's ok, really. You're right, I never had any right to do this, to come back and turn everything upside down. I had my shot, my shot at forever and oh fuck it..." Taking three quick strides towards Randy, Gale's heart broke further at the look of panic on Randy's face. Whatever they shared it was strong enough to break them, to break both of them and everyone around them.
"It's ok Rand, I'm going but if this is going to be the last time then, I need to, I have to..."
"Yes," Randy whispered, moving forward, their lips meeting, first softly and then with a furious desperation that spoke of last times and first kisses. He could taste Randy and he tried to memorise the taste, the smell, the feel of soft blond hair under his fingers, if this was all he was going to have then he wanted to memorise every last moment. The bittersweet taste of tears as they pulled apart was like a splash of cold water, he couldn't tell right now if they were Randy's or his own. They stood that way, Gale's hands cupping Randy's face, their foreheads touching.
"Gale, I lo...." Randy's voice broke through, hesitant, unsure.
"Don't, please," Gale answered. "It's taking every ounce of strength I have to walk out this door Randy, don't make it harder."
Randy nodded, his head shifting against Gale's own but his voice seemed to not be listening to his brain.
"You'll find someone you know, someone better than me, someone that...you will find someone, you're Gale fuckingHarold and you’re beautiful and he'll love you and he'll be amazing and I'll hate him but ...."
Randy's voice broke and Gale felt more tears sting behind his eyes.
"Never," Gale answered, his voice like shattered glass, sharp and broken.
"Yes you will..."
"Never," Gale repeated, his lips moving over Randy's again, the words whispered against them.
"There will never be anyone like you Rand, you were the one, my once in a lifetime.
Finally pulling himself away, Gale forced himself to take a step back, to create the distance he needed.
"Just not in this lifetime huh," He finished almost bitterly "It's ok Randy, really it is, I'm going to be ok, you need to go home, be with your family and I'll call you, ok, just give me some time ok?"
Forcing himself to turn round, he headed towards the door, each step felt like he was walking on glass, pulling the door open the summoned the strength to walk through and close it behind him. Leaning against the door, he felt his heart splinter at the quiet sobs he could hear on the other side of the door. Walking down the hallway he heard them fade away, each step pulling him further away from his heart. Stepping into the sunshine he blinked against the harsh glare and hailed a taxi.
It was time to start again, time to let go, to put aside memories of soft golden skin and bright smiles and hope that somehow, someday he would learn to breathe again.
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Pairing Gale/Randy
Rating R
Words 5,600
Disclaimer Not mines, this is RPS and no-one bleongs to me and if that leaves you in any doubt all I can say is THIS IS NOT REAL :)
Notes This is dedicated to
veritas_st as it is all her fault she encouraged me to write angst so I did and in a way I got her back cos I made her cry :) but also because she loves these boys as much as I do and talked me through every step of this fic and she rocksSummary "Ok so what you are trying to tell me is that you and Randy were secretly fucking for two years, then you dumped him, now you love him, have I got that right? Oh god I have a drunk thirty six year old coming out in my hotel room while I am in underwear. I am in my underwear with Gale Harold who now realises he is gay, I need some wine"
I heard that you settled down, that you found someone, and you're married now.
It took several minutes for Gale to take the news in, he had been avoiding it for months now, ever since he had heard some rumours about Randy moving in with some guy named of all fucking things Brian. But sitting opposite Peter listening to the rambly updates of what had been happening in everyones lives the news filtered through Gale’s brain leaving him dazed and disorientated.
I was in bones, just a little part but still a part, and oh em gee is that Boreanaz man fine, Hal is touring keep meaning to grab seats and oh did you hear Randy and Brian adopted a kid
After that the words ceased to make sense and the rest of the evening seemed to move with him on autopilot. He knows he must have nodded and smiled at the right points because he left Peter, smiling with promises that they would do this again soon.
Back in his hotel room he found himself wandering around, touching things as if trying to ground himself. Images kept flooding through his head, images of Randy, smiling, laughing, forever happy, Randy with some faceless stranger, a strangers hands exploring the golden skin and tight silken sinews that Gale had spent the last two years trying to forget. Someone else pulling Randy’s head into his shoulder, dropping a kiss on soft fair hair.
He had always known that he wasn’t totally over Randy, there had always been a small part of him that no matter how many miles or years now separated them, remembered the smell and feel of the man that for five years had become Gale’s world. But he had made his call, he had weighed up the options and had decided that he wasn’t ready for the kind of relationship that Randy wanted. It wasn’t just the coming out thing, although it had been an issue, it had been everything Randy had been the first guy Gale had ever been with, then anyway, he had just been trying to get his head round the idea that his life wasn’t as straightforward as he once thought and Randy, he wanted…. Everything. There was way more of Justin in Randy than most people ever knew, he was totally, completely comfortable with himself, with his sexuality and what he wanted out of life and he had wanted, expected Gale to feel the same, he had wanted the works, picket fences and whitewashed doors.
That and Gale’s own insecurity of what wanting Randy, wanting another man meant had sent Gale running for the hills, destroying not only what they had discovered but a friendship that had been five years in the making. It had taken more than two years for Gale to even begin to get over the pain that he had felt at that loss, even if it had been his own fault. He had avoided cast get togethers, birthdays, news events, reunions. This night with Peter had been the first time he had allowed himself to step back into that life, the life with Randy at the heart of it and now, now he felt like he did seven years ago at the first meeting with a blond smiling kid who looked at him in a way that made his head spin. He felt like the world had been ripped out from underneath him and turned on its own axis as if everything that was supposed to make sense just didn’t.
Randy couldn’t be married, couldn’t be starting a family without him, he was Randy, he was his it would take more than a couple of years to change that. Gale couldn’t wake up in the morning without the reminder of Randy’s name on his lips, the sense memory of his skin, his smell and his taste. If he still felt that, then there was no way Randy didn’t, no way he could have moved on without him.
Peter had got it wrong.
Which is how Gale found himself battering on Peter’s hotel room door, then stumbling into his room, spilling out his heart, his guts, his pride in a long rambling pile of words and pain before finally stopping, long enough to take in the look of shock and pity on Peter’s face. Gale stood up to leave, the shame and embarrassment stinging in his gut like fire but was pushed firmly down with strong but gentle hands.
"Ok so what you are trying to tell me is that you and Randy were secretly fucking for two years, then you dumped him, now you love him, have I got that right? Oh god I have a drunk thirty six year old coming out in my hotel room while I am in underwear. I am in my underwear with Gale Harold who now realises he is gay, I need some wine"
~*~
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess they gave you things I didn't give to you,
It took less than two days for him to book the flights, and then, despite Peter's warnings, he was gone, off on a flight to New York. It didn’t seem real, that after all this time he was finally taking things into his own hands, was going to see Randy again. Was finally going to do what he had done all those years ago. His mind flashed back to one of the last arguments they'd had
"I can't do this anymore Gale, the hiding, the lies, the secrecy, it's not me. I came out, it was hard but I did it and I'm not going back into that damn closet, not even for you."
"No one is asking you to," Gale exploded. "I'm not asking you to start saying you're straight, you are the one all caught up in making us start defining who we are to the public."
"No, no Gale I'm asking for you to grow some balls, I'm asking you to admit that you’re in a relationship with a man that you love. I want to go outside, to go on a date, to hold your fucking hand in the street, is that too much to ask?"
"God Rand not this again, sometimes I swear you are channelling Justin."
"Fuck you Gale, there is nothing wrong with me wanting a relationship, one I don’t have to hide from the world."
"well then why don’t you go fucking find it"
"Maybe I will"
It had been the beginning of the end, soon the arguments had replaced the love. Most of their time had been spent tearing lumps out of each other, each trying to hurt the other more. Words used as weapons barbed and pointed, each one finding their target. coward, liar, fucker, queer In the end they clung on until the end, till after filming was done and Randy had left, got on a plane and headed off to a play in New York, it had ended with less of a bang and more of a whimper. Gale had told himself time and time again that he would go after him, or call him, on other days he had told himself it was for the best and before he knew it two years had passed without a phone call.
Until now. The news that he had moved on, had finally found someone to give him all the things he had wanted for so long had lit a fire under Gale's belly, it was now or never. This was the last chance he had. He knows plenty of people would have said it was already too late. But he refused to believe it. This was them Gale and Randy, and he had to make Randy see that this time he was serious. This time it was forever and always, out in the open for the world to see.
This time he was playing for keeps.
~*~
hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over.
He went straight to Randy's from the airport, his mind telling him that if he stopped for even a fraction of a second to think about this, he'd chicken out of it. Standing at the doorstep Gale felt like a teenager again, his hands clammy, his throat dry but when the door opened and he finally saw Randy again, everything went into overdrive. His mind cataloguing the things that hadn’t changed, the soft golden hair, the full lips, small broad hands with long elegant fingers, at the same time as it noted the changes, a couple of lines near his eyes as Randy squinted at the early morning sun, the slightly longer length of his hair, but most importantly the small silver ring wrapped around his left ring finger.
"Gale?" Randy's voice was full of disbelief as if he believed that Gale was a mirage, a figment of his imagination that would just disappear if he spoke too loudly or reached out to touch.
"What are you doing here?" Randy asked, his voice almost shaky.
"Would you believe me if I said I was in the neighbourhood?" Gale smiled, his most charming smile on his face. It slipped slightly at Randy's cocked eyebrow and now crossed arms. This wasn't going to be easy.
"You shouldn't be here." Randy finally seemed propelled into action and started to close the door.
"Rand don't. I just want to talk." The use of the old nickname seemed to jolt Randy slightly, slowing him down, for half a second he looked unsure before his resolve hardened.
"You had your chance to talk Gale, now you're too late, I don't want to listen."
Before Gale could get another word out, the door had been closed in his face and he was left on the doorstep, wondering what his next move could be.
It took Twenty seven calls before Randy finally agreed to meet. Calls filled with arguments, logic, pleading and outright begging.
This is ridiculous Randy, I just want to catch up.
Are you afraid to meet with me? Scared what your little husband would think?
We were friends before anything else Randy, I just want to see my friend again.
Rand please....
When Randy finally agreed to meet, Gale knew he would bring some sort of buffer, something to keep Gale at arms length, a friend, a colleague, hell maybe even the hubby. He hadn't expected the daughter.
"She's beautiful," Gale stated. It was true, her dark hair and big brown eyes in a small perfectly formed face. The wide smile she seemed to bestow on anyone who took her fancy. She was gorgeous and it was clear she had her daddy wrapped round her tiny little fingers. This was further evidenced by the grin on Randy's face at Gale's words.
"She is isn't she," He smiled and stroked his daughters cheek where she sat in the seat. "So why are you here Gale?"
Gale smiled at Randy's abrupt question. He knew he had to play this slowly, carefully, stick to as much of the truth as possible.
"Truth?" at Randy's quick nod Gale made up his mind. "I missed you. We were friends a long time Rand and I hate how we let that disappear. You were one person I could always talk to, be myself with and I miss it, so I thought it was time we stopped being idiots and go back to being friends. So I came here. So how have you been?"
Randy laughed, his first real laugh since they sat down and Gale's heart soared at the sight, not everything he said had been a lie, he had missed this, missed seeing Randy smile, missed his passion, his fire for the things he believed in.
"Not too bad,” Randy replied. "I got married," he lifted his ring finger up and Gale lifted his coffee to his mouth to save answering, "and of course there is this little angel." He finished pointing to his daughter.
"Whats her name?" Gale asked pleasantly.
"Amy," Randy answered. "After Brian's, my husbands mom."
"Hmm, Brian," Gale almost snorted but reined it back in at the look on Randy's face. "Isn’t that ever weird?"
Randy laughed relaxing again. " It was a little weird at first." he answered.
"So where is Brian?" Gale finally made himself ask.
"A business trip," Randy answered. "He is away till the end of the month.
Gale tried to control the wave of elation that swept through him at these words. He knew he should feel bad, should feel some guilt over this man whose life he wanted to rip apart, but the stakes were too high. He loved Randy, he needed him and now wasn’t the time to play fair.
"So you’re free then," Gale asked with a smile. He saw Randy's hesitancy and rather than worry him, it gave him hope. It proved that there was still something there, enough to worry him.
"Come on Randy, like I said we were friends first, we could be again, what do you say."
Randy's answering smile filled up all the cold lonely places that had been inside Gale for so long. Any lingering guilt disappeared. He had this once, a chance at all of this and he blew it, now he was getting another shot, and nothing was going to stand in his way.
Over the next two weeks it was almost like they stepped back in time. There were dinners, art shows, getting drunk, cheering each other up when the hangover hit the next morning. Arguing over politics, sitting in the living room a bucket of popcorn, Amy settled in between them as they rewatched old classics. Everything was almost exactly the same, maybe better, the only difference was they didn't have sex, but there were moments, when their hands would brush, or a goodbye kiss near the lips lingered slightly too long and the spark would strike, the electricity churning between them as if biding it’s time, ready to boil over, pulling them along in its current.
There were new things too, taking Amy to the zoo, to the park, long walks, fun and games, they would have coffee in small cafes chatting as Amy basked in the admiration of everyone who stopped to tell her just how cute she is. For a while it was easy to forget that this wasn't his. Wasn't his family, his child, his husband. Suddenly everything he had ever been afraid of seemed to be all he could ever want.
The fantasy ended abruptly one night as they as they arrived home, Amy fast asleep in Gale's arms and found Brian in the living room, back from the ever so convenient business trip.
The atmosphere was tense, rigid, full of false smiles and chuckles as Randy introduced them. There should be a sound, something sharp and destructive when two worlds collide with such force, instead there was silence. Silence as Brian and Gale eyed each other up, each perfectly aware of what the other was thinking.
But it was when Brian staked his claim Gale made his excuses to leave, watching Brian gather Randy in for a lingering kiss, taking Amy expertly from Gale's still hesitant hands. It was then Gale finally realised how high the stakes were and how much he stood to lose.
~*~
You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,
Brian coming back put a slight dent in Gale's plans, but luckily enough a chance coincidence that brought Scott and Peter into town put them back on track. The three days since he had last seen Randy felt like a lifetime, but they slipped into the usual routine quickly.
Dinner with Scott and Peter felt right, natural. The four of them and in particular Randy and Gale slotting into old routines. Gale felt Peter eyes drifting towards him more and more each time he touched Randy's arm, or Randy slipped his head jokingly onto Gale's shoulder. But it wasn’t till after dinner when Scott was filling Randy in on the most recent events of cast members that Gale found himself alone with Peter.
"What are you doing?" Peter asked with little preamble.
"Well I know you are slow Petey but right now I'm having dinner with old friends and having a good time, what about you?"
"He’s married," Peter continued, refusing to be dissuaded and Gale felt his own temper rise.
"Yeah thanks for that Peter, I was aware of it."
"He's married with a kid." Peter was like a dog with a bone.
"Oh really is that who that pretty little kid is, thanks for clearing that up for me"
"I'm not trying to hurt you Gale," Peter's voice softened. "I'm the one you poured your heart out to remember? I know how you feel about him, I'm just trying to stop you getting hurt, because he can't feel the same without you."
"Says who," Gale demanded.
"Says the fact he is married with a kid," Peter countered.
"Yeah, well I loved him first Peter, he was mine long before Brian even knew him."
"And he is Brian's now, and god you sound like a four year old. He is married Gale, with a kid and you are only going to get hurt if you keep on this road." Gale stood up, tired of listening to the conversation. Peter didn't understand anything he had, no idea what was between him and Randy, he didn't have the first clue.
He spent the rest of the night ignoring Peter's pointed glances, pretended not to hear the whispered “Be careful” as he hugged Peter at the end of the evening.
As they waved goodbye to their friends he felt his mood lift at the happy relaxed look on Randy's face. "You fancy a nightcap?" He asked. He could see the indecision on Randy's face. They both had a fair idea of what this could lead to, when Randy slowly nodded his consent, he tried hard to control the joy that soared through him.
Two hours and several whiskeys later it was a dilemma trying to remember to sit up. They were relaxing on the couch in his room, the last ten minutes spent in almost total silence, their heads close to touching. When their lips finally met it seemed almost inevitable. As if everything over the last seven years had been leading to this moment. Losing himself in the kiss Gale finally felt at peace, like he had come home at last, which made it even more disorientating when Randy pulled away from him, standing up and running his fingers through his hair, panic and desperation leaking from every pore of his body.
"No. No I'm not doing this, I can’t do this, you can’t do this. You can't keep doing this to me Gale. It took me a long time, a long long time to get over you, to move on from you, and now I have. I love Brian, I love my family and I am not going jeopardise that for you."
Gale moved forward as Randy headed for the door, using his advantage in height, he pushed Randy up against the wall, arms on either side of his head, watching with half hooded eyes as Randy licked his lips nervously.
"I get that you love him Rand," the old nickname slipping out easily and naturally. "I know you, you wear your heart on your sleeve and you love easily and you wouldn't be with him if you didn't care."
"Exactly," Randy interrupted, pushing his body against Gale's in a failed attempt to move.
"I haven't finished," Gale continued, placing a finger against Randy's lips, slowly sliding it back and forward and smiling as Randy's tongue came out almost instinctively. "I get that you care, but do you need him Randy? Do you need him the way you need me, the way I need you? You remember what it was like don't you?" Gale asked, slipping his leg in between Randy's thighs, rubbing slowly against his erection. "You remember what it felt like, that yearning to touch each other, to taste each others skin, that feeling that you would just fucking die if you didn't have my cock inside you."
Randy groaned, pushing his body up again, this time in a desperate attempt to create more friction.
"Gale, please," his voice cracked, sounded broken and Gale was unsure if he was pleading for him to stop, but he didn't care, he needed this, needed Randy, and if he had to cheat, to play dirty, to use this dark, almost explosive chemistry to make Randy see where he belonged, then he would. Sliding his hand down he made fast work of Randy's buttons, pushing his jeans down and wrapping his hand around Randy's cock whilst slowly worrying the soft tender skin behind his neck with his teeth.
"God Gale, yes, like that, please I need...."
"I know," Gale whispered, his own hard on making his jeans uncomfortably tight. Turning Randy round, he pushed him against the wall, his hand still working Randy's cock, slowly, surely. He had wanted to take his time with this, to show Randy how much he cared, but he couldn't, it had been too damn long.
"I need to fuck you Rand, Now."
Randy answered with a slow deliberate roll of his hips back into Gale before grabbing Gale's head and pulling it forward in a dark jagged kiss. "Yes, now Gale, please"
The pleading, needy sound of Randy's voice was enough to push Gale over the edge, fumbling desperately, his hands shaking with need, he slipped the condom on, before burying himself in Randy's body. It was tight, almost too tight and for a second he slowed, scared of hurting, of causing pain where he only wanted to bring pleasure but Randy made his mind up for him, thrusting back and burying Gale deeper inside him, his voice came harsh and desperate.
"Don't you dare fucking stop, fuck me Gale, now."
Gale started to move, his body finding the rhythm almost naturally. It had been so long, so long since he had this, since he had felt this, the release of his orgasm when it him him was like a tidal wave, as they both came down together, shivering and shaking with emotion.
Several hours later they lay on the bed, their bodies tired, spent with relearning each other, their senses filled with each others taste, touch, smell.
"You came back for this didn't you?" Randy phrased it as a question but they both knew it was a statement of truth.
"I came back for you" Gale confirmed.
"Why now?" Randy asked. "Why after so many years of not wanting to commit why did you have to come now."
"I don't know," Gale answered truthfully. "I wish I could answer that. I just knew it was time, that if I didn't move now, I would lose you. I never meant to fuck with your life Randy, I swear, I just couldn't stay away. I love you, you know that."
"Yes," Randy nodded his assent. "I love you too, it's just it's complicated now. I have a...."
"Do you love him like you love me?" Gale interrupted.
"No," Randy stated the truth baldly. "But we've built a life together and I need to talk to him, need to, I don't know...."
"Break his heart gently?" Gale stated softly.
"Yes, I owe him the truth, you get that right?"
"Course I do, I just want to know you are serious about this. I lost you once Randy, through my own stupidity, I can’t do it again. This time its for keeps yes?"
Randy smiled the smile that made Gale's heart skip before pulling him in for another kiss.
"For keeps," he promised against Gale's lips before they sank back down onto the bed.
~*~
Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Gale knew the minute Randy walked through the door something was wrong. The elation that had been soaring through him since last night, fading like someone had popped a bubble, leaving behind fear and a blind sense of panic. He couldn't back out now, not after everything that happened, everything they had said, everything they had felt
"Gale," Randy's voice was soft, full of apology.
"No," Gale interjected. "Don't you dare, don't you fucking dare Randy, you do not get to back out not, I don't care what the fuck he said to you. You are not backing out."
"He didn't say anything Gale," Randy exploded, apology and sadness lost in a wall of anger. "He knew, I don't know how, but I know he knew. I came home and found him with Amy in the nursery. They were cuddling in the chair and he just looked at me, he handed me Amy and he kissed me and went to bed. I could see in his eyes he knew what I had done but he didn’t say anything. So I sat there Gale, I just sat there, holding my daughter, watching her sleep, then finally I climbed into bed with my husband." Randy stopped at the flinch Gale made at his words. His voice softened and the apology was back in his words.
"He just held me, told me loved me and went to sleep."
"I love you," Gale interjected stubbornly. "I love you and I know you love me."
"I do," Randy admitted, a sad smile ghosting across his face. "I think a part of me loved you before I even knew you Gale. I'll always love you, but they are my family, don't you get that?"
Randy put up a hand to forestall any words Gale might have been ready to offer.
"No Gale, no more talking, you need to listen. You love me, but they are part of me, don't you get that? If I hurt them, if I walk away and leave Brian broken and leave Amy pulled between two fathers, constantly unsettled, if I base my happiness, our happiness on their misery it will kill me, don't you see that? Slowly but surely it will kill me, and it will kill us. You say you love me?"
"I do," Gale whispered, almost too scared to use his voice.
"Well if you do, then I need you to leave Gale. When you are here, when I'm around you I don't see straight, I never could. I just see you, my world is filled with you. So I need to be selfish and I need to ask you to do what I can't. I need you to end this. I need you to leave me, cos I can't leave you, and as long as you are here I can’t push you away, so please Gale if you love me, if you really love me, please go."
Gale felt his heart splinter and break as the truth of Randy's words swept through him. He couldn't do it, he couldn't leave, not when leaving meant leaving Randy forever, but the look of anguish, of despair on Randy's face made his decision for him. Randy had a family, a life here, people he loved, that he didn't want to hurt. But Gale also knew that he could push the right buttons, he could make Randy face up to the fact that although he loved Brian, what he and Gale had was it, that once in a lifetime love that you never found again. The one you compared every other relationship to. He knew if he started talking he would convince Randy.
But he also knew Randy would never forgive him, would never forgive himself. The betrayal, the hurt that he caused would eat away at him, corroding anything they built together. He could lose Randy, it would kill him, splinter his heart but he could do it, he could live, exist in a life without Randy, but he couldn't live in a world where Randy hated him, worse where Randy hated himself. He couldn't see that smile dim, fade. It was that and only that thought that made Gale's feet move. He had gotten as far as the door when Randy's voice stopped him.
"Gale." Randy's voice was reedy, broken and splintered, Gale felt that if if his heart had a voice it would sound just like that.
"Rand, it's ok, really. You're right, I never had any right to do this, to come back and turn everything upside down. I had my shot, my shot at forever and oh fuck it..." Taking three quick strides towards Randy, Gale's heart broke further at the look of panic on Randy's face. Whatever they shared it was strong enough to break them, to break both of them and everyone around them.
"It's ok Rand, I'm going but if this is going to be the last time then, I need to, I have to..."
"Yes," Randy whispered, moving forward, their lips meeting, first softly and then with a furious desperation that spoke of last times and first kisses. He could taste Randy and he tried to memorise the taste, the smell, the feel of soft blond hair under his fingers, if this was all he was going to have then he wanted to memorise every last moment. The bittersweet taste of tears as they pulled apart was like a splash of cold water, he couldn't tell right now if they were Randy's or his own. They stood that way, Gale's hands cupping Randy's face, their foreheads touching.
"Gale, I lo...." Randy's voice broke through, hesitant, unsure.
"Don't, please," Gale answered. "It's taking every ounce of strength I have to walk out this door Randy, don't make it harder."
Randy nodded, his head shifting against Gale's own but his voice seemed to not be listening to his brain.
"You'll find someone you know, someone better than me, someone that...you will find someone, you're Gale fuckingHarold and you’re beautiful and he'll love you and he'll be amazing and I'll hate him but ...."
Randy's voice broke and Gale felt more tears sting behind his eyes.
"Never," Gale answered, his voice like shattered glass, sharp and broken.
"Yes you will..."
"Never," Gale repeated, his lips moving over Randy's again, the words whispered against them.
"There will never be anyone like you Rand, you were the one, my once in a lifetime.
Finally pulling himself away, Gale forced himself to take a step back, to create the distance he needed.
"Just not in this lifetime huh," He finished almost bitterly "It's ok Randy, really it is, I'm going to be ok, you need to go home, be with your family and I'll call you, ok, just give me some time ok?"
Forcing himself to turn round, he headed towards the door, each step felt like he was walking on glass, pulling the door open the summoned the strength to walk through and close it behind him. Leaning against the door, he felt his heart splinter at the quiet sobs he could hear on the other side of the door. Walking down the hallway he heard them fade away, each step pulling him further away from his heart. Stepping into the sunshine he blinked against the harsh glare and hailed a taxi.
It was time to start again, time to let go, to put aside memories of soft golden skin and bright smiles and hope that somehow, someday he would learn to breathe again.
Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
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Date: 2011-03-29 09:56 pm (UTC)And I love you for it
Gale’s own insecurity of what wanting Randy, wanting another man meant
I love this, its the central theme to what eventually broke down the relationship. Such a simple line but with soooo many repercussions.
There should be a sound, something sharp and destructive when two worlds collide with such force, instead there was silence.
This is how the world ends...not with a bang, but a whimper! Love this line so much baby
I loved him first
Oh Gale you poor poor baby. *huggles Gale*
"Do you love him like you love me?" Gale interrupted.
"No," Randy stated the truth baldly. "But we've built a life together and I need to talk to him, need to, I don't know...."
"Break his heart gently?" Gale stated softly.
"Yes, I owe him the truth, you get that right?"
"Course I do, I just want to know you are serious about this. I lost you once Randy, through my own stupidity, I can’t do it again. This time its for keeps yes?"
OH BOYS *clutches heart*
I need you to leave me, cos I can't leave you, and as long as you are here I can’t push you away, so please Gale if you love me, if you really love me, please go."
Ok right here...HERE is where I start crying. Every damn time woman, honestly. I can almost imagine the pain in Randy's voice and GUH!
Whatever they shared it was strong enough to break them, to break both of them and everyone around them.
EPIC LOVE FOR THIS LINE!
"It's ok Randy, really it is, I'm going to be ok, you need to go home, be with your family and I'll call you, ok, just give me some time ok?"
This reminds of the bit in 13 Going On 30 when she says at the end "You're my best friend Matty, I love you..." whilst holding the pink dream house and she's bawling and then I cry and yeah, its one big cry fest!
Truly incredible writing here my darling girl, wonderful and angsty and heartbreaking and real.
*klisses*
I missed a spelling mistake!
"No," Gale interjected. "Don't you dare, don't you fucking dare Randy, you do not get to back out not Should be "now" not "not"!
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Date: 2011-04-03 12:38 am (UTC)I am so glad I have someone who loves these boys as crazily as I do
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Date: 2011-03-29 10:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-03 12:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-29 11:03 pm (UTC)For a while it was easy to forget that this wasn't his. Wasn't his family, his child, his husband. Suddenly everything he had ever been afraid of seemed to be all he could ever want.
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Date: 2011-04-03 12:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2011-03-29 11:26 pm (UTC)I love your story,thank you x
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Date: 2011-04-03 12:09 am (UTC)and I'm really glad you enjoyed it :D
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Date: 2011-03-29 11:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-03 12:12 am (UTC)is it bad that I liked that you liked it enough to cry :)
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Date: 2011-03-29 11:54 pm (UTC)I have to be honest, when i started reading i hoped that Randy would stay with Brian but then... Gale :(
loved it though!
xo
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Date: 2011-04-03 12:29 am (UTC)So glad you liked it :) and than you so much for commenting
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Date: 2011-03-30 12:05 am (UTC)This was so poignant.
In my sick little mind, Brian gets hit by a bus on his next business trip...
What can I say. I cannot have them apart, whether they are B/J or R/G.
Al jokes aside, this was really beautifully one. Thanks for sharing.
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Date: 2011-04-03 12:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-30 12:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-03 12:31 am (UTC)thanks so much for commenting
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Date: 2011-03-30 03:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-03 12:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-30 06:57 am (UTC)JC, you killed me, hon. *iz crying*
Now you owe us a happy, THE happiest, one!
Thank you so much!
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Date: 2011-03-30 07:49 am (UTC)It kinda was my fault...sorry!
Hey, if it helps I have some happy(ish) RPS coming soon!
*hugs*
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Date: 2011-03-30 07:01 am (UTC)It's very sad in the end, but also a nice ending...
The passion, lust and love is there, but it's not enough. Sad, but true.
Thanks for sharing.
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Date: 2011-04-03 12:35 am (UTC)Thank YOU for commenting :)
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Date: 2011-03-30 10:07 am (UTC)But it's still not enough . . . you really captured the bitter-sweet tug of war in their emotions.
Lovely to see Peter again, too - his voice was really there.
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Date: 2011-04-03 12:36 am (UTC)really glad you enjoyed it
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Date: 2011-04-01 08:48 am (UTC)Thank you! ♥
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Date: 2011-04-03 12:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-03 08:45 pm (UTC)Gale and Randy do not end up together.
Dee Dee
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Date: 2011-04-17 08:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-12 11:15 pm (UTC)I LOVE Gale/Randy rps, and when I stumbled upon this I was doing my happy dance- a new rps to read!
I never imagined that it could be so damn good.
Oh- my heart breaks for them in this fic.
I am friending you, hope that's ok- if you make a habit of writing like this, this amazing, I don't want to miss a thing!
xoxo
-Terri
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Date: 2011-04-17 08:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-15 08:08 am (UTC)This was so heartbreaking, so beautiful written.
The whole time I was thinking " Don't interfere in their marriage " But poor Gale ... and Randy.
Gonna friend you, don't wanna miss your well written stories.
* hugs *
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Date: 2011-04-17 08:22 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for the add, and I'v added you back :D
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Date: 2011-04-15 03:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-17 08:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-04-17 03:59 am (UTC)I cried, sobbed, bawled my eyes out reading this. It was heartbreaking and lovely at the same time. I can tell that you and Veritas love these boys just as much as I do. Thank you for always feeding my G/R need. <3
I love Peter in this. Especially needed was his injection of humor during all the angst.
"I am in my underwear with Gale Harold who now realizes he is gay, I need some wine"
LOL! I'm sure Peter would have been willing to 'be there' for Gale. ;)
So many parts made me cry for them:
"Gale." Randy's voice was reedy, broken and splintered, Gale felt that if if his heart had a voice it would sound just like that.
That was such a beautiful line...and so raw to know how much pain Gale was feeling. I couldn't understand how Randy could walk away from him, until this line:
if I base my happiness, our happiness on their misery it will kill me I can see that now. Randy would never hurt them. It would destroy their relationship.
But this just destroyed me at the end:
"You'll find someone you know, someone better than me, someone that...you will find someone, you're Gale fucking Harold and you’re beautiful and he'll love you and he'll be amazing and I'll hate him but ...." [...] "There will never be anyone like you Rand, you were the one, my once in a lifetime. Just not in this lifetime huh."
So not fair! Randy gets to go back to his family, but Gale gets no one. He'll never replace what they have--he won't want to, won't even try, and he'll end up alone in the end. :(
And then you nailed my coffin closed with this gem:
Walking down the hallway he heard them fade away, each step pulling him further away from his heart. Ugh! *dead*
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Date: 2011-04-17 08:27 pm (UTC)I'm a sap and usually have to have a happy ending, but (a)Verity just wouldn't let me with this one and (b) it just didn't feel real, Randy wouldn't destroy his family, no matter how much he loved Gale and if it came down to it I really don't think Gale would let him, and then there is the fact that if you base your happiness on other peoples misery can you ever be truly happy and so this was fated to end sadly.
But ye it is hard to think of Gale always been alone :( as a thank you for such a lovely lovely LOVELY comment and to cheer us up, if you give me a prompt i'll write a happy G/R for you :D
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Date: 2011-05-19 09:06 pm (UTC)Every time I read it, I hope against hope that it will end differently. And every time I read it, I know deep down that it never could. :(
It's still lovely. <3
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Date: 2011-05-19 09:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2011-06-06 01:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-15 02:37 pm (UTC)It's still as beautiful as the first time, and still as gut-wrenchingly tragic. Gorgeous work.
I'm with Marie, just waiting for the time when Brian dies (of natural causes, of course, no buses) and Gale and Randy can be together again. They'll still be beautiful in their 60s/70s/80s, as just as attracted to each other. ;)
JoAnne
♥
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Date: 2011-08-17 02:47 am (UTC)